You may think mankind’s biggest disease is hatred, greed or lack of compassion but actually mankind’s biggest disease is control. And it doesn’t happen on the top levels, in those who govern countries, cities or institutions. No. It happens everywhere, in the average person. We are all part of this disease. Let me exemplify.
The child-parent dynamic
At first, the control is manifested by the parent. It is done to such extent that the child’s life is meticulously controlled by the parent before the child is even born. What he will wear, how he would behave, how he would look and what profession he would have. The argument of the parent is simple, but absurd : “I made you. I am your parent.” If the child doesn’t behave as the parent’s wants and desires, there is punishment, either physical or emotional.
As the child grows, he may learn how to control his parent to get what he wants. He may learn that acting a certain way or saying a certain thing, will make his parents do what he wants or at least avoid doing something he fears. The child learns how to deceive and wear a mask.
It is all a big masquerade. A vicious and sick masquerade that can continue for years.
The relationship dynamic ( romantic or platonic)
As the child becomes an adult and starts to interact with other people, making all sorts of relationships, the control disease not only continues, but becomes more vicious and severe. It is like an open wound turning into a gangrene.
The adult now has discovered more tools to use and gain control over the other, like money, sex, possessions, looks, job titles, status and emotions (guilt, shame, silent treatments and fake affection)
Commitment in a relationship is not about safety, loyalty or trust. It it is about control. Planning the future (where is this going, what should we purchase, where should we travel etc) is not about building a life together. It is about control.
You don’t trust life. And you expect trust from a partner. What a joke. As long as one or both the partners tries to control the other in any way , trust is non-applicable. Trust and control cannot co-exist.
The society dynamic
Inside the society, every possible institution or company will want to control you. And a lot of them will 100% succeed. Religion will control what you think is wrong or right. Schools will control what to learn and what you believe as “fact”. Mass media will control your view about the external world and what to fear. Private companies will control what you wear, what you eat, what you buy. Politicians will use all of the above to control you as a whole and distract you as much as possible from the reality that you are a slave.
The inner control dynamic
This type of control is manifested as self harm. It is the control we impose into ourselves. Trying to control our emotions, our thoughts or the views of others about us. In time, this suppression turns us into robots. Beings without life, with calculated moves and tones of voice. The more you control yourself, the more dead, and life-less you become.
Control versus Power
Those on top of society are hungry for power. Unfortunately for them, the ones who seek to have power could never have power. They can only have control. The ones who truly have power, are the ones who do not seek it. Power is an internal state of being. It is an inside force that radiates like the sun. The power is not harmful and doesn’t suppress . The power expands to others. The power unites and inspires.
Some also mistake money for power. Money is just a tool that can be used in control. Like deceit, sex, guild, shame, and other manipulation tactics or tools.
Control versus Responsibility
Being responsible simply means taking accountability for your actions. Deciding to go one way and taking on all the consequences that comes with that. Control does not make you responsible. Control does not make you mature. It just shows your lack of integrity. Because someone who seems to have everything under control, clearly used manipulation tools which most of the times are not ethical. You cannot use control without using some sort of deceit. Because life cannot be controlled. And life is truth. A truly responsible person will be the one who creates the chaos. Because a responsible person speaks the truth. And the truth can cause disruption and destroy the facades.
Control versus Love
Finding true love is hard in this world and so many try to define it and justify their actions in the name of it. But just notice this. A person who controls, is not capable of love. Love is part of life, so it cannot be controlled. A flower does not control itself. It blooms, it spreads its perfume and it dies. It does not try to control the other flowers. A flower is full of love. A flower radiates love. A river that flows radiates loves. A river does not try to control itself or others. it just flows. Humans on the other hand try to control its course. It stops it from flowing building dams, which eventually break and cause floods. A seed of control planted in a relationship is like a ticking bomb ready to explode. And love cannot grow in a war zone.
Control versus Action
Control has nothing to do with physical action. You can simply manifest control with your thoughts and imagination. You can create a very realistic prison in your head. Releasing control does not mean you become inactive. On the contrary. Letting go of control, will tear down the walls. It will make you feel alive again. It will make you feel inspired. And when the inspiration is strong, action just comes naturally. And it is not a forced action. It is joyful action. It is fulfilling action. It is an action that creates and expands your soul. And this type of action is the most powerful.
The cure for control
The first step in healing any disease is identifying the root cause, which in this case, is the fear of death.
Life is unpredictable. Life is uncertain. Life cannot be controlled. And life goes hand in hand with death. At every step you live your life, you can step into death. You cannot have one without the other. The moment you start to deny and suppress death, you start to deny and suppress life. And this is how control starts.
The more you try to control everything around you, the more you are scared of death. You have to accept death. You have to accept that life is not meant to be controlled. People are not meant to be controlled. Life is meant to be lived and experienced, in the present moment.
The moment you start to control and to plan, you are already dead. A walking dead. The spark of life is dead. The beauty of unpredictability is dead. You become bored and lifeless.
When you are trying to control your partner, you are killing him/her. You are destroying the uniqueness and beauty of their unpredictability, by doing and saying what you want them to do. You are killing everything around you. Trying to control your pet, your friends, your coworkers, your surroundings, even the weather. Stop it! Just let life be. Let other people be. Let life flow through your veins, along with death.
Replacing control with intention
Instead of using control to live your life, use intention. Know yourself. Discover what makes you happy and set intentions. Don’t stress about how to get there. The less you plan and stress about it, the faster you get there. You stress all day about your future. But can’t you see? The future is merely a reflection of your present. How do you expect to be happy in the future if you are miserable right now? Happiness cannot happen with planning and control. You simply cannot control yourself into being happy. You are lying to yourself! Happiness can only be when you let go of control. Safety and security is not happiness. Safety is a cage you build around yourself, preventing happiness to get in. Preventing life to get in. How can you say you live life when you are in a cage? The more safety measures you take, the thicker the walls of you cage. Are you investing in tools for creation and expansion or are you investing in your cage?
The best gift you can give to others is releasing your control over them. Much love to you all!