This is not a tutorial on how to trust someone. This is not a checklist of what makes someone trustworthy or not. This is not a list of ‘red flags’ you should watch out for.
You cannot control the actions of others. The only reason you crave so much for trust, is due to your own insecurities. You just want everyone to promise you that they won’t hurt you. You want assurance that they won’t lie and deceive you. So in this case, is it really about them?
When you are saying you don’t trust someone, you are actually saying you don’t trust in your own ability to get over whatever wrong is being done to you.
So basically you don’t trust in your own power. In the power to say, “oh well, the fact that this person chose to be deceitful towards me, is not my problem. I’m just gonna get on with my life. I can be happy anyway. I can get passed this.”
How freeing is that? You allow other people the freedom to be and do whatever they choose, and you allow yourself to be happy even if the action of others threatens you.
Does this mean you have to be a rug on which everyone can step on? Does this mean you have to spend time with deceitful people, just because their behaviour doesn’t affect you much? NO. Of course not.
Just because something doesn’t bother you, doesn’t mean you agree with it, or that it’s a part of your value system.
It’s just saves you of all that worry about someone doing something to you. Because let’s face it. When you are in a place of worry, your mind won’t be clear enough anyway, to make the best judgements and decisions.
Another fact to consider is, they may not even doing anything on purpose. Some people are just used to act in a certain way, with everybody. It is just part of who they are, and the fact that you worry or suffer over their actions, will not make them a better person. It’s up to them to make a change, and change is not easy most of the time.
So the next time you encounter someone that triggers worry or fear inside you, a so called “red flag”, that this person is not trustworthy, take a step back and ask yourself these questions:
-what experience from the past has triggered this feeling inside me? is it helping me?
-do I have actual proof of the things I fear, or do I just imagine them?
-do I have all the information?
-if the things I fear become a reality, how hard it is for me to overcome them?
Once you acknowledge all the factors that contribue to your fears, take a deep breath and proceed with action.
If you consider it is a lot harder to overcome the idea of your fears becoming a reality, than the idea of letting someone go, or staying away, without giving a second change or the benefit of the doubt, do that. Always chose the path of least resistance. Just make sure you don’t hold any regrets about it.
Love to you all!