Introvert , Extrovert or Maybe Something Else? My journey to Self Discovery

Since I was a little girl, I had difficulties getting accepted and fitting in with the rest.

I was always very quiet, not interacting with anybody, not making the first step to anything.

At the parental meetings, the teacher never had complaints about me, saying I was just really behaved, sitting there in my bench, the kind of person that doesn’t speak , just acts.

In school. you were a blessing for the teachers, surrounded by so many agitated and loud children, but the problems started for me as I god a job in a big corporation.

Being quiet and by your own in a big corporation ,is a big problem for your superior. There is a lot of pressure to fit in with the team, because  you must be able to interact with others so you can do a great job.

When it came to work, and job, I never had problems to interact and ask questions. The problem for me was to interact socially, and even if I see the two as something totally different, there was still a lot of pressure from my superior to interact more socially, to get to know the others more. What a nightmare!

Gradually, I started to question if there is a problem with me, and how can I fix it. So for the first time in my life I started to read a lot of books on self development, how to make small talk, how to engage in conversations and so on.

I discovered I sorted fitted in the Introvert stereotype, the one that enjoys being alone, to stay in bed  with a good book instead of going to a party , that enjoys more the company of animals than humans and that is mostly quiet.

There was at one time a whole trend around this topic, putting introverts in a brighter light , TED talks on how introverts make good managers, 9gag posts suggesting introverts are mature and kind, versus extroverts who are just some party animals.

For a while it was a relief, but not to see how introverts are more discussed or noticed, but to see there are so many others like me out there, since all my life I felt an outsider.

It was a relief to know that I am not a “problem”, that it’s normal to be this way, and that I finally can accept who I am.

Years passed and after discovering more exciting books on spirituality and new age, I discovered the reason I don’t fit in with the rest is not because I am an introvert.

In her amazing and breathtaking book “The Three Waves of Volunteers and the New Earth”, Dolores Cannon, during her sessions as a hypnotist with many people,  discovered that many souls, not only had previous lives on this Earth, but also on other Planets and Galaxies, occupying all sorts of bodies in the past, living around entirely different civilizations.

That may be the reason why you are not fitting in with people, not understanding their habits, the way they act, the way they speak. Being ultra sensitive and prone to diseases. It’s a hard time for you to adapt.

I can’t justify this theory to be entirely true for you.

In what concerns me personally,I can say the first time I read this book,  it felt like common sense. I was always attracted by these type of topics, UFOs, aliens, asking the big questions, who we were and where are we going, why are we here.

There are already a lot of scientific studies on reincarnation, and on life on other planets, that is practically a fact, considering the immensity of the Universe. So why not consider that our souls have the option to reincarnate on other Planets?

There are also the many dreams I have, in which I walk around cities or landscapes which are similar to Earth, but not quite, with several details that are different, like gadgets or animals.

I also have dreams in which I feel I am myself, but not Laura. Sometimes I am a totally different character, and meet with people I feel they are close to me, but I don’t know them in this current life.

I realized that out personality is too vast and complex to fit it in a box called introvert or extrovert, to describe ourselves in just two words, or to even compose a phrase about ourselves.

We are infinite beings, just passing by this Earth in a human body, collecting information and experience to grow and expand even more.

Learning these things have not changed who I am, but they helped me with the following:

1)  Say NO without any fear and focusing on what really matters

e.g. I’m not going in team buildings because I don’t enjoy them, and I prefer to create something at home instead

2)Staying true to myself

e.g. Even tho society says to have a house and get married, I will continue to be free of debt and contracts

3)Dedicate more energy on the bigger picture and discard the small stuff

e.g. I’m not angry I stayed in line 1 hour for nothing, because I had time to reflect on myself.

You are not alone!

Lots of love to you all!

The ultimate secret I discovered about food

Until about 5 years ago, I was not eating in a conscious way. I never questioned what I ate, if it’s good for me, if it’s good for others or if it possible to eat something else.

That is mostly due to the fact that I depended on my mother to provide for me, I was still in school, and cooking was not an option.

One summer , my brother asked me to watch with him a documentary called “Forks over Knives”. He didn’t try to convince me of anything, since it was his first time watching it also.

I watched the whole documentary breathless.

All the information stated there made so much sense to me, and I felt so blind for so many years. How could I not see these things??

I drastically decided to become vegan, so I did. I was in my last year of collage, and started to prepare my own food and make more time for shopping and cooking.

I also gave up all processed foods gradually, giving up chips,  replacing them with nuts and seeds,  giving up chocolate and processed sweets , replacing them with dried fruit.

What I noticed after this transition:

-I was spending a lot less on food – the amount of money I spend on chocolate was enough to buy 1 or 2 kg of fruit, that lasted me more.

-My digestion started to work properly, and I eliminated a lot of toxins.

-My skin looked clearer.

-I lost some weight.

-I had a lot of energy- at least a lot more than before.

After entering this vegan field, and reading a lot on this topic, inevitably I stumbled upon the animal cruelty topic.

Honestly this topic motivated me a lot more to be vegan, than the idea of being healthy.

I realized all these animals don’t want to die, and after a life of suffering, they are killed, and all that pain is transferred to my body, by me eating them.

I followed a strict vegan diet for one year, with no exceptions!

Once collage ended, I started to work full time, in a larger city, as a Software Engineer. My free time and food options became more limited . Cooking became a weekend activity mostly. Social gatherings were more often.

On top of that, in my country,  restaurants offer very weak vegan or vegetarian options.

Because of these obstacles, my diet became over time more flexible, so currently I eat 60% vegan, 38% vegetarian and 2% meat (whenever I am forced  by necessity or lack of options). I also eat a moderate amount of sweets, enjoying a chocolate from time to time, or a bag o chips. (Sugar is really hard to give up)

After a lot of diet experimenting and reading some books, I found some ground rules regarding food , that turned my focus more on how I eat, instead of what I eat:

1) Never cook with anger

Japanese writer Masaru Emoto showed in his amazing book “The Hidden Messages in Water”, that water from clear springs and water that has been exposed to loving words shows brilliant, complex, and colorful snowflake patterns. In contrast, polluted water, or water exposed to negative thoughts, forms incomplete, asymmetrical patterns with dull colors. He also was able to measure Hado in other substances, apart from water, where Hado means: The intrinsic vibrational pattern at the atomic level in all matter.

By this, resulted that a hamburger prepared even with meat, but in a positive manner, with kind and loving words, can be more beneficial for your health than a vegetarian one, prepared with anger and ugly words.

So no matter how much you fight for a great health, eating the most fruitful, vitamin and mineral rich foods, if you keep fighting in your head with your boss, since this morning, you might creating a poisonous meal for you and your family!

2) Give thanks

I already consider animals to have souls and even consciousness, especially after spending a lot of time around humans, showing more devotion and love than a human can ever show , but recently I became to think the same about plants too!

In the book , ” The secret Life of Plants” by Peter Tompkins Christopher Bird, it is shown how plants respond to your words and thoughts, acting fearful and defensive even if you consider hurting them, before actually doing it, how they suffer whenever you rip off a leaf, or pour something harmful on their roots.

This book almost made me cry each time I had to prepare a soup, and pealing off the carrots and parsley roots.

The solution?  say thank you. ” Thank you little carrot for giving your life so I can prepare a delicious soup, and be more healthy, thank you for taking the time to grow, and offering me so many vitamins”. “Thank you farmer to take care of this carrot and watering it, and making sure it grows”

If you eat meat : ” Thank you mister fish, for giving your life, so we can eat, and have a nice meal. Thank you so much!”, “Thank you supermarket, for bringing this fish from such a long distance so I can buy it and eat it!”

This practice not only works very well in nourishing your body, but also your soul, and you can apply it on other aspects of your life as well.

3) Always Read the Ingredients!

I get it’s really hard to give up processed foods, with so many options in the stores, with so many colors and flavors! OMG!

But if you are still going to buy them, try to find the best ones, avoiding some ingredients that can be toxic for you.

First rule of thumb, if it’s too long or complicated to pronounce, don’t buy it.

They should contain ingredients that you recognize like : oil, sugar, wheat, cacao powder, eggs, milk, and so on.

Every compound that ends up in your body, and the body doesn’t recognize, ends up stored as fat in your belly or other areas!

That may be the reason why you don’y eat heavy, but you are keep putting weight. It must be because of all those crackers!

Be careful also when buying BIO products. BIO means that some ingredients are certified, like organic certified cacao powder, but that doesn’t mean it can’t contain some nasty other ingredients in there.

I use this practice on cosmetics too, not just food.  The downside on that is that on cosmetics, all the ingredients are hard to pronounce, so one day I searched on Google for each one, and discovered that even tho some may sound toxic, they are actual safe for you, and vice versa.

4) Eating Fat is not that bad

There is this trend lately that fat should be avoided at all cost, that it’s bad for your health, with a lot of marketing around diet soda, low fat bread, low fat yogurt  and so on.

For me an eye opener was the book called “Fat for Fuel” by  DR. JOSEPH MERCOLA.

The main thing I learned is that I should include in my diet more saturated fats. Besides the well known mechanical pressed olive, coconut oil, and avocados he also recommends eating matured cheese and fat rich heavy cream. That’s why I love Cheddar and Parmesan so much!  Especially combined with some steamed vegetables. Yum!

For a long time I avoided eating too fatty, because I thought it will be bad for me, but now I know how vital is the right type of fat for your body, how to make a difference between the types of fat, and how to include them in my diet.

That’s about all my thoughts on food. Thanks for reading so far, and I hope you found it helpful.

Lots of love to you all!

How a job interview can destroy your soul and what to do about it

In general, a job interview is a toxic , soul sucking process.

Each time you get the call for a job interview the first reaction is of joy, thinking that someone approved of you, based on your CV. Someone picked you! You must have done a good job. This feeling can last from a second to a day, although some people may not experience it at all.

After that, you may fall a victim to worrying. Even your physical body starts reacting to the thoughts that come to mind, and your stomach starts to tremble, your heart start to race and your breath starts to be unbalanced.

You start thinking, that the only way to overcome a fear is by facing it, as many times of possible. Scientifically that may work, but only if what you are facing is always the same, where job interviews can be a total different experience, depending on the company that hires, the personality type of the interviewers, each encounter triggering all sorts of feelings inside you.

I have found several ways through which an interview can destroy your soul.

1. Uncomfortable Human Resource questions.

“How do you react in this situation?”

“How was your previous boss?”

“What are your strengths?”

“What are your weaknesses?

“Why did you leave your previous job?”

etc.

When encountering these type of questions,  90% of the times you are forced to lie , to be dishonest, so you can land the job.

You can just say the truth, that you have a lot of fears, that you tend to procrastinate when you don’t like what you are doing, that small talk topics make you shoot yourself,  that you work a lot better alone when it’s peace and quiet and not when you are surrounded by other people and that your previous boss was a control freak.

That sort of  answer, although it’s 100% honest from the bottom of your heart, will not get you the job.

So you start to lie, or at least transform all your real thoughts and feelings into a form that would sound good and be an advantage for the company.

2.  Making a fool of yourself.

You have a bachelor or master degree at a respected University, a lot of knowledge accumulated, so people must have high expectations from you, right?

What happens then when you are asked technical questions , and you don’t know the full answer or you don’t know any answer? You start to feel stupid, and unworthy. Guilt may also appear thinking that you didn’t prepare enough, and if you did you would have known the answers. Self esteem drops heavy. You may also start entering into a defensive state, because you feel attacked, and afterwords your answers are not calm and clear any more. Once everything is over you start feeling regret, worry and shame”

“Why did I say that?”

“Oh that was clearly a wrong answer”

“What’s wrong with me?”

Even if you still get hired, that interview experience will remain with you for some time and even stain some parts of your unconsciousness, being enough to get another call, so all of those repressed feelings and worries can re-emerge to the surface.

3. The Mask.

Another form through which an interview is ruining your soul is that you have to act a certain way, that doesn’t define you. You have to put up a whole act, to smile, to shake hands firmly, to stand straight, to dress a certain way. You may discover none of the clothes you wear are good to wear at this interview , and you must go shopping for new ones, once again acting against you. If you just be yourself, as it states on all the posters with inspirational quotes, you risk on not getting the job. So better say goodbye to the unicorn T-Shirt that you love and put on a business shirt, and if you are a girl, you better step into some high-heels, even though they are torturing your feet, because guess what, you have to make a good impression!

4.Financial Insecurities.

If you are searching for a job in the first place, chances are you are without one, or you are not satisfied with the salary you currently have. In this case an extra pressure will land on to your shoulders and you may take fear based decisions that your soul screams not to take. If your reason for leaving is other that financial, you may still be worried with thoughts like:

“What if they offer less than what I earn here?”

“Is it worth earning less just to get rid of this situation?’

Reading all this may make you feel angry right now, and you might start to hate the whole process, and the companies, cause you just want to be a free butterfly and dance in the sun.

You may realize that this type of job is not for you, and you don’t see why you should be going for an interview to a job that you hate anyway.

I’m totally on board with you, but before jumping into a new domain, becoming an artist, or a business owner, giving up your profession for good, let’s give this another chance.

Who knows, maybe the problem was not the job, but something more profound inside of you, that once resolved, you will start to love everything you do, and thrive with success.

God always gives second chances, so let’s give interviews a second chance as well.

Here is some advice gathered from my personal experience and also some various methods that I’ve learned that might help you deal with an interview more easily.

1. Respecting the company’s wishes

Have you ever took the time to actually read every single paragraph of the job description that a company posts?

Instead of focusing on your own CV and showing off how much you know, focus on what the companies or the head lead of the department really wants. A lot of them don’t pay that much attention to what it is written in your CV. They are looking for something, and want to see if you match what they are looking for.

So take each line at a time from job description, and try to link your experience or knowledge to that particular request.

If there is something that you don’t understand or you never heard about : a type of proccess development, a type of method, a type of tool, or a type of programming language, look it up and learn a few things about it.

2. Avoid using too much technical words.

Because of the fear of making a fool of ourselves and to prove how much we know ,we tend  to use a lot of technical terms to appear we are an expert in what you do. This can not only make the interviewer uncomfortable, because he/she might not understand all the terms you are using, but also you may be confused for being too arrogant.

Nobody appreciates a  person like that and no one cares how much you know. The secret is to explain as if you are explaining to a 5 year old.

3. Change the purpose

In theory the purpose of a job interview is to get a job, or to change a company, or to move out from a country. This whole idea creates a lot of pressure for you because if you get the job it means you succeeded and if you don;t it means you have failed.

The secret in making an interview an enjoyable experience is to change the purpose of it into something in which there is no failure.

For example the purpose of the interview is to experiment with a new type of personal strategy just out of curiosity.

Or you may decide to enter a really happy mood , with very positive energy, and just by going there you will spread it to others, whether they are aware or not.

You could also make your purpose to see how a specific company has designed it’s offices, and admire them.

Or you may want to collect interview questions, for your future website that includes FAQ in your domain, so you can help others just like you prepare better.

If you can change the purpose in such of manner, a lot of the pressure will disappear, because no matter what happens you will not fail at anything.

4. Nurture your mind and body

A lot of the reactions our body or mind manifests in stress situations are also caused by what we eat, what we drink and what we listen to.

A lot of us drink  coffee to keep our brains alert. From my experience coffee is a really bad idea when facing a stressful situations. Because when there is already a trigger to become stressed, the last thing you need is a drink to accelerate your heart beat even more.

Replace coffee with a nice cup of chamomile tea to calm you down, or even a simple glass of water.

The more calm you are, the more clear your thoughts are, and the more confident you will become, just like a wide blue lake.

Avoid also eating too spicy, too salty or too much! Eat something you really enjoy and chew it slowly.

If you can’t think of food because you are nervous, then you should try breathing through your belly.

Hold your hand on your belly and feel how it expands as you breath in, just like a balloon.

Hold it there for 1-2 seconds, then release all the air, pushing it all out, then hold it again for 1-2 seconds. Repeat this at least 10 times, or until you feel a lot calmer.

Listen to some relaxing music that day, just instrumental with no lyrics. My personal favorite is tradition Chinese music, but you are free to choose whatever you like.

Avoid listening to the news , TV commercials or movies. This type of programs have negative energy load, that you may absorb. Stay trying clean of TV before the interview.

5. Give up preconceptions

I’m sure that from previous experiences, or from experiences you heard from others you formed yourself some ideas or some beliefs that block you from being opened to new situations.

For example you may have beliefs such as:

“They will not hire me because I don’t have a recommendation”

“They will be arrogant with me”

“They will be rude with me”

“They will not hire me because of my age”

“They will not hire me because of my nationality”

“This interview will make me feel horrible”

“This interview is a waste of time”

“I have bad luck”

This type of beliefs are really hard to let go. One of the reasons for that is we need an excuse or someone to blame in case we don’t get the job.

Another reason is we like to believe that we need to go through awful experiences to obtain something important. That we must fight and work hard for it, and go through mud to get it.

The first step of letting go of these beliefs is to be aware of them. Write down any belief that will stop you from getting this job.

Next you must accept  that these are not 100% facts. Somewhere in this world there are people who got a job without a recommendation, who met wonderful and nice interviewers, who were too young or too old. If they did it, then you can do it too. There is always a possibility that you will do it. You can be the lucky one.

If you have a really hard time to associate yourself with good situations, take a moment to meditate on “Why?” . Do you feel you don’ deserve a wonderful situation? Meditate again and ask “Why?”.

Once you found the answer, imagine that answer is drawn with a marker on a ball.

Then someone throws the ball at you, and after you catch it you simply drop the ball. You let it go. And that’s that.

If you don’t feel like digging that deep inside your soul, simply imagine every belief that you have written on that ball. Then drop it.

6. Be honest

It’s true that if you are totally honest when answering some questions, the interviewers may interpret them in a negative way. A thing you could do is to extract multiple honest answers from a question, and only select the ones that are appropriate.

But whatever you do, don’t lie , especially not to yourself. That is really hurtful for the soul, when you feel certain things , but express through your mouth something totally different. This type of repression can lead even to disease, especially in the head/neck area.

Chose clothes that totally define you and make you feel comfortable. Keep it simple. Repeat to yourself how calm ,powerful and confident you are. When looking in the mirror don’t look at how attractive you look. Pay close attention to your eyes. Observe your eyes how beautiful they are and how they glow and sparkle in the light.

I hope these tips were helpful. Good luck in your next interviews and much love to you all!

The Birthday Experiment : How I motivated others to create birthday cards for my birthday

In my country, it is a tradition or social unspoken rule to treat your fellow colleagues with something for your birthday. In school/ preschool you usually brought a box of chocolates, but as you get a job and start to work in an office with a lot of people, it’s common to bring cakes and cookies, and sodas , or some prefer to take the team for drinks.

The invited colleagues chip in with money and buy you a gift, or they just put all the money in an envelope and give it to you.

I really like to treat people when it’s my birthday but I found this tradition to be really unpleasant  sometimes, even awkward,  and most of all, I always felt it like an obligation from both sides, with no feeling involved.

About 3 years ago, my birthday was approaching, and I woke up in the morning with this idea of doing things different.

It involved a lot of work, and it had good chances to go to failure, but once I get an idea into my head it really sticks and doesn’t leave me alone.

My birthday is on December 16th, which is pretty close to Christmas, so I created for each of my colleague a little present, that included a Christmas ornament, a Christmas postcard, and a small chocolate and candy. The ornament had attached to it, a rolled piece of paper with a motivational quote for the next year. Every package was unique and different. I put them all in a bag, Santa type, and let everyone pick his present.

As I was giving the presents, someone told me my face was really red, from the embarrassment. At the same time I felt really happy, especially when someone said it felt like that it was their birthday and not mine.

Overall I concluded it was a success and even received flowers and a nice gift with crafting supplies (which I never turn down)

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The next year I went even further with the birthday experiment.

I did bring cakes and cookies and soda, but I sent an email saying that I didn’t want any gifts, but a birthday card.

I brought some blank cards, stickers, felted colored pens, washi tape, and some printed characters from my favorite shows, so they can choose.

I made a box , with a crust, so the cards can be inserted inside, and let everybody express their creativity, even anonymous if they wanted.

I also made a raffle, sticking numbers to some candy, and let everyone pick a number. At the end of the day there were 3 winners, and I gave them some small toys or sweets.

Surprisingly, I received a lot of cards, and also a gift, even tho I said I didn’t want one, which was really sweet. The gift really came in handy, with fresh new acrylic paints, something that I use really frequently, and new brushes.

Some were really curious and wanted a glimpse on the cards, but I kept everything private, and took them home to read.

All I can say is that at some point I burst into tears, and I passed through them at least 3 times. It was such a surprise for me, to see how much soul each one had, how unique and creative.

90% of my colleagues signed themselves, but I will not show their names in the images bellow, to keep the privacy. Also I am mostly going to show the covers, and not the inside with the whole message, unless the assembly was created inside, and the cover left blank, which some preffered to do.

There is a big difference between the cards made by girls and the ones made by boys. The first category is more colorful, vibrant and heartwarming.

The second category is based more on creativity and  word puzzles.

Bellow I will just place them randomly. Where it is written in Romanian I will translate bellow the image.

* Happy birthday, lots of health and happiness!!

in the box is whatever you desire 🙂

*Follow your passion!

Happy Birthday!

* Live

Love

Be grateful

* < – You forgot to add these types of bows

happy birthday, lots of health, may God give you everything you desire, happy and calm days, happy birthday, live well!

Most of my colleagues used the things that I brought to create the cards, but some made an extra effort to print out their own pictures or quotes, which was really sweet.

If you guys are reading this, thank you, thank you so much!

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For my birthday last year, I was in a different company.

Here I repeated the inspirational quotes, and placed them on candy ( a sort of fortune cookie), and I also made homemade cakes.

I received as gift money in an envelope, and I donated it all to the animals right here.

This year I may take a break, or do it again to raise money for the animals. I must think about it.

Nevertheless, it was a great experiment, from which I’ve learned a lot.

Lots of love to you all!

Why I love embroidery

Since I gave up the Facebook App on my phone, I started killing boredom on Pinterest. For those of you who don’t know what Pinterest is, you should definitely check it out. Every time you see a picture on the web that catches your interest, you save it, or better said, you pin it, to your created albums or boards. It’s a sort of bookmarking, but only for images, with the possibility to access the source link, and also combined with the thrill of discovering amazing photos pinned by others.

You scroll down through the pictures, just like you do on Instagram or Facebook.

One day I fell in love with an image with beautiful embroidered flowers, on a piece of linen, so I pinned it. Once you pin something, the algorithm populates your feed with similar pictures. As days passed, I discovered more and more pictures, sinking into the beauty of embroidery. I felt like in a fairy tale.

I started to search online for embroidery supplies, but I was afraid to place the order. Countless times I spend a lot of money on crafting supplies in the hope of starting a new project, but never had the time to complete it. What if this was the case again? Plus, embroidery didn’t seem so easy, it needed research and practice. Will I be able to get through with it?

One day I decided to go shopping at a Hypermarket populated with cheap toys, craft supplies and home decorations, just for fun.

I discovered a small kit for embroidery, designed for kids, with imprinted pattern, a piece of linen and thread, for just 1 dollar.

Once I got home I started watching tutorials and made my first creations, flower brooches.

To my surprise, I remained dedicated, and created a piece each weekend. Every piece took me around 2 hours to make, but I was getting better and better.

I even started to experiment with different types of materials, like felt.

After gaining confidence, I decided to buy more supplies. I went to a local store with sewing supplies, and I bought thread in all sorts of beautiful colors, little beads, special needles, an embroidery loop, and different colors of felt.

Now the only thing that remained was to start practicing, and have fun.

Embroidery thought me a very important lesson. Every time my mind drifted away at problems or random thoughts, the needle would act crazy and stung me, the thread would knot or the beads would fall.

Basically embroidery forced me to stay 100% present in what I was doing. Embroidery forced me to meditate.

I know a lot of people drift away when doing house work or any mechanical, repetitive work. I often do that when I wash the dishes.

But I found it’s different with embroidery. You build a relationship with it. Become close friends, and promise to be faithful.

Aside all that emotional  words, it’s pretty cool to learn embroidery. Once you start indulging into YouTube tutorials, you realize it’s a lot easier than you thought. And after a few days of practice, you can say you have a new skill.

If you are from Romania, you can also buy some of my embroidered creations here.

Lots of love to you all!

Dealing with suicidal thoughts? Maybe this can help

I know, the title is scary, but don’t worry. Even tho I had some rough patches in my life, I never had suicidal thoughts. I always felt it was something morally wrong, almost equal to taking someone else’s life. Many consider that you are the owner of your life, so you decide everything around it, including giving up on it for good. If you think about it, the fact that you have a life, that you breathe, is not actually your possession. You didn’t create the living force inside you. You received it at birth, as a gift. So are you allowed to end it?I don’t really know how often people talk about suicide, but what I know for sure is that since I was a child, I was surrounded by people who threatened to do it, who considered doing it, and who actually did it, or at least was about to do it.

If you are one of those people, maybe it’s not a coincidence you stumbled upon this blog post. Keep reading.

On my path towards spirituality I gathered some information by reading a lot, by meditating and also from dreams -information that gave me a lot of hope in my difficult times. I’m going to share some with you. Maybe you will find comfort in what I will say, maybe not. If it doesn’t resonate with you that’s OK.

Buddha is quoted as saying, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”

Before we reincarnate into a new body, we basically know where we will live, who is going to be our family, and what character we will be. We also have a “soul family” , souls that come together in the same period on Earth,to support each other or to help one another learn things. We also choose some spirit guides or they are chosen for us. A kind of guardian angels, that live in the spirit world, but watch over us, and guide us to follow the path  that we intended.

If for example in this life you intended to learn patience or forgiveness, it is possible you chose a family where your parents are very difficult people and give you hard times. It was an agreement between you and them. If you wanted to be an artist, it is possible  one of your parents is also an artist to introduce you as a child to this area . To find out what was your intention to learn in this life, look carefully at them and see what’s bothering you. That is one of your lessons. You can’t run away from family. That’s the whole point. If you have a friend who is bad to you, you can avoid him and never see him again. Simple. But if it’s from your own family, you can avoid them for a while, but it’s still there a strong connection, especially with parents and siblings. Don’t fight against it. You wanted to be like that.

Everyone searches happiness in life. In our current society, we strongly believe that a job, a house, a good pay check, traveling, a relationship , brings us happiness. The truth is, those things encourages us to be happy. But it doesn’t make us happy. Happiness is a choice. Is just by saying, “I am happy from now on”. The more we search in the external world for happiness, the more empty we become inside. If by chance, the external pleasures disappear, we find ourselves so empty, because we haven’t discovered the treasure and the beauty of our soul. And that’s when depression kicks in.

Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder”

Henry David Thoreau

What is our purpose in life actually? Why do we come here? For every person the answer is very different , but there is a common goal :to raise the frequency of the planet.

Emotions such as anger, hatred, suffering, shame, guilt,

judgment, and lust make us feel more physical, because they carry a frequency that is slower and more like that of physical objects. However, the more elevated

emotions such as love, joy, and gratitude are higher in frequency. As a result, they are more energy-like and less physical/material.

Some people are born with a natural light in them. They don’t have to do a specific thing. They just have to be. They are the kind of people that always have a smile on their face and it’s really nice to be around them. Most of them don’t know about their ability, but they are capable of raising the frequency of an entire shopping mall or city. Usually their soul is very old and they lived most of the time on other dimensions or other planets, where the frequency is very high, and they volunteered to come to Earth to help out. They run by the names of Indigos ,Star Seeds, Crystals or Rainbows.

Other people have the ability to raise the frequency through a talent ( a book, a song, a dance video etc). Haven’t you noticed, that when a specific song plays on the radio, the entire energy of the room changes? It can be powerful.

Others just by doing the little things. The small things.

We cannot do all great things. But we can do small things with love”

Mother Teresa

Because of the thousands lives we have, on this planet or on other planets, there is a lot of “baggage”, so our memory is erased when we are born. Not all of the lives we had were good. We might of died in a tragic way. Or had all sorts of conflicts. So it’s better to start fresh.

Because of free will (a law that dominates the Universe), we sometime move away from our initial path, we start to feel lost and a black period may begin. Some call it ” the dark night of the soul”. The spirit guides and angels want to help us, but can’t interfere because of the free will.

To receive help from the spirits we must allow them to help us. This is done through prayer. Here are two of my favorites:

Oh God, help me believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is”

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can

And wisdom to know the difference”

When I say God, don’t imagine a bearded man. God is in plants, in animals, God is in us. God is love, actually.

Much God to you all.

Working with clay

There are a multitude of types of clay out there, with different textures, different drying temperatures and different colors.

When I first started making jewelry, almost 7 years ago, there weren’t that many shops online from which to buy supplies ( modelling clay included), but after seeing pictures with creations made by others, I was hooked and wanted to try it at all costs.

I remember my first experience with clay was a total disaster. I bought modeling clay for kids-the one that never dries , from the office supply store, and after creating some beautiful butterflies, I covered them in a thick layer of wood lacquer, in the hope that they will dry and harden.

It was a hot day of summer and after a few hours, the lacquer cracked and the inside melted and turned to goo.

The second experience with clay was no more successful. After I went to University in a bigger city, with more possibilities, I discovered an art shop that sold clay for making pottery. I hoped  to make small disks for earrings, that I could paint afterwords.

The clay was really hard to work with, not only being rigid, but also very messy, because it was designed for creating pottery, not small pieces. A 2 kilogram pack was thrown in the garbage.

The third time was a charm. One day while shopping at a hypermarket, I discovered an area with crafting materials. They also sold these small packages of modelling clay for kids, in all sorts of colors, but with the promise that it dries at room temperature.

I bought a few colors and started creating. Unfortunately this clay was so soft and light, that it became almost impossible to create any realistic figures. Nevertheless I continues creating all sorts of abstract formations, combining metal pieces and beads, and creating some really cool and colorful brooches.

From all I made at the time, this is the only one remained, after all these years, some being sold, some being lost. Of course the one bellow is a little reconditioned, offering a leather backing for more stability.

At some point I found air drying clay specialized for making jewelry in a crafting store, online.

This clay was also soft and light, but more easy to work with, and I finally managed to fulfill my dream of making painted earrings.

Years passed, and clay became a must have in my home as a crafter. As we speak I have half a package in my drawer.

I experimented and experimented and made all sorts of creations, that are very dear to my heart.

Energy and spiritual wise, clay is the most absorbing. You must use your hands to model it, leaving fine lines of fingerprint in every piece, but also a small print of your heart.

If you ever consider of making a handmade gift for someone dear to you, clay is the best way to go. If you don’t trust your hands, you can also use cookie cutters, or the ones specially designed for cutting clay.

Even the scraps that remain, covered with the right tones of paint, can become a unique piece of abstract art.

And when the time is right, the perfect piece will emerge into your mind, and your hands will work on their one, to bring an idea to life. It’s just beautiful. It’s magic.

If you are from Romania you can buy some of my last creations, by clicking here.

Lots of love to you all.

My Dancing Story : How I started dancing on YouTube

1. Before YouTube

My first memory of me dancing was in the kitchen in front of my mother and grandmother, during some random song from the radio. I think I was around 6-7 years old, and I have no idea why I did a performance in front of them, because I was really shy.  They were not really that impressed, because kids do all sorts of silly dances all the time, and it’s something normal.

But not for me. Every time I see or hear about a child dancing in front of people, I am amazed and thrilled, with almost tears in my eyes, because I know it’s more than just a silly dance.

My dancing comes from the soul, it’s something I already know and it’s natural for me.

Sure, I do learn moves by observing others, but 90% of it is pure improvisation.

During school I had low self esteem, faced bullying and stressful situations, so I injected happiness in me through dance, in the morning before school, or after school, but making sureno one was at home!

I felt like a MTV star every time, imagining myself dancing on a scene, in front on many people and everyone I knew, and watching their shocked faces, at the bold dancing moves of this shy and quiet girl.

2. Michael Jackson

In my opinion Michael Jackson was a high degree spiritual being, who incarnated to Earth to uplift the planet, with his music and dancing.

There are songs like “Rock with You” , “Billie Jean” and “Thriller” , that makes you move your body involuntary, and also songs like “Heal the World” or “Man in the Mirror” with deep lyrics, full of truth.

I consider myself lucky to grow up with Michael present a lot on the music channels on TV and Radio.  In the 90′ s he had some great hits like “They don’t care about us”, but there were also a lot of documentaries and interviews with him from the 80’s or beyond that.

Whenever I remember my dancing at home in my childhood, I think of Michael, because he really inspired me, and gave me energy to dance and be myself.

3. TakeSomeCrime

Approximately  in my 3rd year of college, one of my room mates showed me a YouTube Video, with a guy dancing in his room.  My first though was, “hey look, there are other people who like to dance by themselves in their room at home…hmm”. My second thought was ” WOW..he is so good…and confident to film himself…I wonder how I look when I dance”.

So there it was. The seed was planted. Now what it remained to do is to wait for the perfect time to film myself and see how I look when I dance.

I soon discovered TakeSomeCrime had a lot of videos besides that one, and most of the songs that he used sounded sooo good, and made me want to dance all day.

He basically introduced me to the music style “electro”- electro pop, electro house and electro swing- and I was thrilled.

He became my new idol and inspiration. I started to aspire to become as cool and skilled like him, dreaming of growing my YouTube Channel.

He also had a list of other YouTubers on his page, that also danced, that he called “Criming”, and from time to time gave a favorite to one of their videos. Every time he did that, a lot of his viewers would go and watch, giving them more popularity and subscribers. Plus , Youtube had a feature back then, that went like this : if you subscribed to someone, then a pop-up would appear with all the channels that person had on his list, and suggested you to subscribe to them also.

So it was really lucky to be in someone’s list that had lots of subscribers per day, cause that would bring you at least 30% from those to your channel as well.

4. Keeping secrecy

The time came, and I found myself alone in a Friday night, ready to dance and film myself.

In our head…our dance is the best thing ever, but once you watch yourself do it..you discover it’s not that special as you thought.

When we look at others we might think, hey I can do that, but it’s not that easy. Maybe it’s because our thoughts and feelings are at a higher speed than our body, and we have to become conscious of that to start pumping more energy to the body.

Nevertheless, I created my YouTube channel, and I named it MistiqueL. Mistique coming from Mystery, because I wanted to keep it a secret. Also from the character Mystique from X-MEN because at my first videos I applied some bold effects that made my skin look blue, so no one would recognize me. And the “L” from MistiqueL comes from my name “Laura”.

So a secret Laura, full of mystery.

One day, I made a video with me dancing wearing a poncho with fringe. Even with the blurred faced, all black and white to hide my identity, I discovered clothing can have a real cool effect in a dance, so I sent a message to TakeSomeCrime, to suggest him to wear one in his dance videos. He seemed pretty eccentric to consider it, so I took a shot and wrote him.

I never thought he would answer. My expectation was bellow 10%.

But he did. And not only that, he also said really nice things about my dancing, about the way I move my hands. He gave a favorite to one of my older videos, and added me to his List of “Criming”. I was now one of them.

I started to receive comments and subscribers, and I got hooked,  feeling now a duty to post videos any chance I got.

Even tho my Channel was growing in video and subscriber count, I didn’t tell anyone, except for a few very close friends.

I feared judgement. In my country these things are seen  in a bad way, especially if you are a girl. I feared people would relate this with me showing off, trying to get attention, even in a sexual matter, not understanding the art behind it.

5. Obstacles

Oh wow, there were so many…

The space in which I had to dance.  If you search my older videos, a lot of them are filmed in a very small and crowded space. That was my dorm room, that I shared with at least two other  girls.

And the chance of them leaving at once in the weekend, was really low, so there was little privacy for me to make videos.

I was really poor. I did had a camera, that I bought second hand from a guy in the campus, but one time when I was filming I dropped it on the ground and the lens shoved inside, breaking it.

I wished to have a tripod, but I couldn’t afford it. I had to always put my camera on tables, with chairs on top or boxes.

After my camera broke I had to barrow cameras from others.

My computer. It was so old, that while the video was saving, it simply powered off, because of a heating problem. And when I say computer I mean desktop computer not laptop. It also had a really noisy cooler, and worked in slow motion.

I lost some videos forever, because of the SD Cards. The files got corrupted and there was nothing I could do about it.

The music. Some people think that I just hear a song somewhere, and then I dance to it, even make money out of my video. Well it’s nothing like that because of something called copyright infringement.

Every song that I dance to is owned by someone. The more popular the song is, the more chances the video will be blocked worldwide.

One day, I got a message from a singer that asked me to delete my video, using one song of hers. I was devastated, because I loved that video so much, so I tried to convince her to let me keep it, and I will add links to her website or anything she wants.

Without even replying to me, I received my first copyright strike, with the video being deleted by YouTube by force.

That’s pretty bad, because if you receive 3 of these, your account will be closed forever.

Well that expired after a few months, and I was on track again, until this August.

I have to keep my fingers crossed that no other owners will change their minds and strike me in these 3 months. My current status is standing in a piece of string as we speak. For now, they know I’m using their song, but they let me use it, as long as they run ads on my videos, or something like that.

The Haters. All these viewers coming from takeSomeCrime’s Channel were a blessing but also a wave of hate. I also got features by bands who owned the music I danced to, that gathered on my Channel all types of people.

“hahahahahaha, your face looks stupid”

“I’m gonna make a new acount to dislike it again”

“holy shit ,it’s either a transgender or homo, I do know it’s ugly. Just my opinion!”

“Nothing Special in this dance, Everybody can do that so. Well you Dont gonna be a star sorry”

“no style…and no shame”

“What the hell did my eyes just witness?Cx”

“laaaaaaaaaaaaame”

“What the hell u look retarded”

“that girl is ugly wtf is wrong with you people?”

“dont dance again please”

Well guess what? I didn’t listen, and I’m still dancing to this day.

6. The Reveal

The first faze of the Reveal was by accident. One day my mother discovered a video on my computer, because she was using it too, during the summer vacation when I was at home. To my surprise her reaction was really good, and she wanted to share it with all the people she knew, and I was a big “NOOOOOOOOOO”.

Later on, one of my room mates saw my screen while I was editing a video. “Is that you? Were you dancing?”…”Uhm no, that’s not me, I mean …yes it’s me”

Her reaction was ok too. She even said there’s nothing wrong with that. I felt pretty good.

The second faze of the Reveal was initiated by me. I was in my last year of college, figuring out what to do as a final project for the diploma. After choosing a teacher as a mentor and deciding on the project, I received at home a PCB with FPGA microcontroller to program.  The socket for power was really unstable, with the cover keep falling off. One morning , I was trying to pull the socket out, and being sleepy I wasn’t really paying attention or thinking, and I touched a piece of metal connected to 220V. ( I hope I described this correct, I’m not a wizz in electronics)

That touch send me a big shock of electricity through all my body, and I felt my heart stop for a moment.

My next thoughts were that I could have died that day, without sharing my passion with the world.

That was just the kick I needed. I went out that evening, somewhere outside , in a more hidden place, with a church in front of me. ( it had tall fence and I could place the camera on it)…and… I did my thing.

The next morning after editing it, I upload it to YouTube, and after that, I post it on my personal Facebook Page.

For a while nothing major happened. A few likes and comments. No biggie.

But then, one of my colleagues from school, post one of my older videos on the Facebook Group, where we shared school related information, like exams, schedules and things like that, with a comment, that went something like ” look at her what she’s doing, haha.”

My worst nightmare came true. The feeling of being judged. After this, something really interesting happened. They divided into 2 groups, the haters and the supporters. I was really impressed and shocked to see some of my colleagues defending me. I wasn’t expecting that.

7. Being Free

Now it was official. Everyone knew, I could post all my new videos on my Facebook Page too. I felt soo free. And the best part was that from that point my dancing really improved, showing me that all those negative thoughts and guilt around it, made me more stiff.

I can say that over the years my dancing didn’t improve because I learned new moves or exercised.  It improved as I let go more and more of my fears, and revealing who I truly am.

My dancing is done on the spot. I turn the camera on, I play the music and I dance. No plan, no choreography , no nothing. Although I do think of what clothes to wear, what will fit the style, but sometimes I just dance with what I’m wearing right then.

This is also one of the reasons my videos are not shared by people, making them more popular.

They are something more intimate that you usually don’t see on social media and TV. And if someone shares something like that, it implies he/she enjoys it and it may imply he/ she likes doing the same? That’s embarrassing. They don’t want to show people how they really are.

Well, people are changing. And I feel that more and more are discovering who they really are and sharing it with the world and being free.

Before I end this long story, (thanks for reading all through it by the way), I also want to share some wonderful comments I received along the years. I mean there are haters, but they represent less than 10% of what really is. Let’s focus on the positive side.

“Go girl!! 🙌🙌🙌💕💕💕 Your videos make us happy 😊😊🎶🎶”

“u made my day!!😍💞”

“wow i really like this… it speaks to me spiritually and i cant keep my eyes off of your dance moves when you do those dance moves. keep them up… it means a lot to me and my family that you keep dancing! we put your videos up on our flatscreen because you make us all so happy…hehe gtg though, mom wants to use the pc!!!”

“The way you dance and ‘ fantastic and every detail that you care for him , in every single movement , is ‘ it makes a simple dance but rally is’ very complicated . Keep it up ‘ Are you really exceptional 😊😊😊💕”

“Great song MistiqueL …and what a great energy you give us !!! 😉”

“Want a girl that has fun dancing however shes feeling the music. You’re simply amazing. 😊”

“Made me smile at the end of a tough day, thanks :)”

“still watching this in 2016, still makes me happy :)”

“I dont speak english but…you make me want to say some words…Genial ! Great !…You are not dancing…you are flying over the floor in a beauty way…thanks a lot !!”

“I just discovered you and I really like all your dancing videos. You inspire me to start my own dancing vids on my channel but I am too shy I think. You go girl!”

“Do you realize that every time you post one of these videos it immediately goes into a playlist with a bunch of other dance tracks that I then dance to? I can find my own tracks, but I like your tracks and they’re the kind of thing I wouldn’t really select on my own. My selections are always a bit more aggro, or kinda hipsterish, but yours are always more fun, the kind of thing I could see a room full of people dancing to, but mine, I don’t know about that. You aren’t afraid to enjoy something like I Fink U Freeky, so I end up enjoying it too. Your stuff’s always a bit more funky as well. I know there’s not a lot of views on these vids, but if you wonder whether anyone cares, well, I do. I don’t really watch them, since I’m too busy shaking my own ass while the video goes.”

“Well i just love this and keep coming back to it, even years later. i love the song itself, how the video is set up, how you use the space, and because you’re moving your body how you want to and it seems like you’re having such a great time. What comes out is pretty fantastic, free, spontaneous, kind of geeky, kind of cool, kind of don’t-give-a-crap, reminds me a bit of what i feel like dancing. i hope you’re still doing your thing :)”

“Wow! Ur so fearless. I have an obsession with YouTube dance videos. The first videos i ever saw made me just want to learn! I love dancing in my room too but could never post a video! I admire u! Plus your transition is so awesome to see. It was funny with the scarf in the beginning ha-ha, I like a hat or something. Anyway, u rock! 👌😉🎧”

“Happy new year from Berlin, Germany. Your dancing keeps me smiling and encourages me to try out new things for years now. Keep on dancing, sweety ;)”

“Oh my gosh….. Loved it. You always feel the music so well! I definitely smiled throughout the video. I always get excited when I see that you’ve posted another video. Keep dancin, and keep doin what ur doin. :)”

“This is me throwing my arms in the air and screaming “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”. If you listen very close on a quiet night you can just hear the echos allll the way from Ohio. More pretty please. With sugar on top.”

“waaaah girl you’re hella awesome, dangg! there was lot’s of more stuff I was gonna say but it’s like 6 am right now where I live. you see.. so I’m kinda tired :p ,,,but just wanted to show some love and let you know, I enjoy your videos. I have watched 3 so far, and loved them ^^. I really should be thanking the person who posted one of your video’s on the Grimes facebook channel, otherwise I would’ve missed all this.. anyway, keep doing what you love ^_^ Peace”

“Its been awhile since I’ve commented. Wanted to let you know you’re still awesome! I love the flowing movements that have made more appearances recently. Keep it up girl! Do what you love and forget anyone who tells you otherwise!”

“Retard? hell no, you just dance it like it is. Thanks for putting a smile on my face.”

*****************************************************

Well, THANK YOU for putting a smile on my face and moist in my eyes. There are many more beautiful comments out there, a lot of them being in french, spanish or german, forcing me to use Google Translate from time to time.  Thank you thank you thank you!

Much love to you all!

My morning routine

Usually I wake up on my own, between 5:30 and 6:30, but I always set the alarm as a backup at 6:33.

After getting out of bed, and going to the bathroom, I drink a glass of water, and make a 15-20 minute Yoga session.

If you never did Yoga before, I recommend Lesley Fightmaster (yes, that’s her real name) . She has a 30 day yoga challenge for beginners, which I enjoy very much.

Her voice is so soothing and she always ends the videos with a quote to inspire you for the day. You can check her challenge here.

After yoga, I prepare some herbal tea, and eat breakfast.

The breakfast I usually prepare the night before, in a small jar. It consists of multiple type of seeds , including chia, soaked in banana or apple smoothie, with cinnamon or cacao powder.

I once saw on social media a quote that said “Don’t trust a person that never drinks coffee”. I hope it was just an advertisement scheme because I never drink coffee ! Caffeine agitates me and honestly I can see a use for it if  you have to do something that you don’t enjoy and you need a violent kick to force yourself to do it.

Would you still need it if you would start the day working at something you are truly passionate about? Just wondering..

There are a lot of people addicted to it, and they drink it even when they had a good night sleep. Without it, some experience headaches or other unpleasant symptoms.

In such a scenario it must be hard to give up coffee, but if you are really determined you can do it, and replace with green tea , black tea, a smoothie, a fresh juice or even a simple apple.

If you are not willing to give it up, that’s ok too, accept it and  make drinking coffee a relaxing habit in which you embrace life with every sip.

Speaking of relaxation, my top favorite drink in the morning is chamomile tea. Mmmmm…….

It calms me down when I am stressed and I noticed that I’m more productive and full of energy when I’m calm.

Still body, empty mind, ready to embrace the day, and receive fresh ideas from the Universe.

Much love to you all.

What's the point in life and how to find out

Do you ever ask yourself what’s the point? More specifically, what’s the point of life? What’s the point of getting out of bed in the morning?

I never asked myself this in a serious way, but I started to feel lost and confused about a year ago.

I thought that I would be happier with more money, less stress , a better job,  and after getting all of those I realized, that wasn’t it. What’s the meaning of my job in software engineering? Is it really meaningful to work for a big corporation?

I already started a Youtube Channel with crafting tutorials, but is that what I really have to do in life? I mean, it’s a nice hobby and all, but meh..

What am I supposed to do for the rest of my life and be happy? What is my purpose in life? Everyone says, do what makes you happy…Well…I like dancing, and painting, and drawing, and jewelry making, and working with clay, and sharing crafting tutorials, and reading, and writing , and cooking, and that’s a lot, I can’t chose one!

After  reading many books , soul searching and dream interpretations I discovered something.

The grand purpose in life is very simple and it consists of serving others.

That doesn’t mean you should go feed the homeless for the rest of your life, acting all Mother Teresa.. unless that’s what you really feel deep down and hands down for that.

Serving others can happen indirectly as well and it can consist of little things, not necessarily grand acts . Speaking of Mother Teresa, here’s a great saying of hers:

“We cannot all do great things. But we can do small things with great love”. Beautiful said.

Do you like cooking for your spouse or children? Sprinkle love on that. Don’t cook with anger.

Do you like writing? Write a book. You can end up inspiring hundreds, changing lives for tens, and saving a few from suicide. Who knows?

Do you like painting? Take an afternoon and create something and really be present. Trust me, your happy energy resulting from this can spread all around, and uplift people in your whole neighborhood, without them even knowing . Same goes for dancing.

We are energy. All our thoughts and feelings are open to the people leaving near us. Have you ever heard of the term “energy vampire”?  You don’t have to be super emphatic to sense a person who brings you down from a distance, by just being in the same room. Usually those type of people have a constant fight with themselves in their head.

Do you hate washing the dishes? here’s a little secret. Washing the dishes is really easy. But the thought of washing them is the hard part. Just let it go, and be present. Feel the water on your hands, and the clean surface of a dish after it’s clean.

Choosing a purpose in life from a list of things I like doing is nonsense. I will just let life flow, and enjoy every second of whatever I’m doing, uplifting myself and others through me.

Don’t wait for happiness. Chose to be happy, and more happy things will be attracted to you.

Much love to all of you.